S.....

So if you're still around, it'll be our anniversary..Oh baby how I miss you so much..wish the circumstances were different and I am with you again..I dunno why everything I do nowadays reminds me of us and you..Its so hard..I know mummy and daddy said I should let go and even your mum said I should move on as its not a good thig to be clinging on to someone who'll never return but I still dont believe you're gone..its all so vague and blur to me right now..everytime my phone rings or when I get an email notification I really really hope its from you..for you to just appear and say this is all a big fat joke or you work for the intelligents that you have to fake your own death and shit..baby I'm willing to accept anything at tihs very moment..everytime our song plays tears roll down my cheeks..my heart seems to be pounding so hard that I'd just want to rip it out..anyway baby, regardless of where you are i just want you to know that I love you alot..
"Dear sayang,
Its our anniversary darling so Happy Anniversary, I love you so much baby, we've been through so much already and I am so happy we're working out well..I am glad you made the move of asking me out the last time..you were with me through thick and thin and i "promise" never to ditch you..hahahaha i sayang you alright? well being with you has been like a great fun rollercoaster ride..hahaha thank god we dun fight anymore and thanks sayang for putting up with all my nonsense and layaning all my kerenah whenever I am being a brat..you have thought me alot and helped to push me further in whatever I do..it seems like only yesterday we were out on our first official date..hahaha and the way you were all "kan cheong" that I might not even turn up..hahaha I just love the way you go all out just to put a smile on my face and the way you smell whenever you're near me..ahhh baby..hahaha I'll tell you the rest when I have time la..lol my card not big enough as I can go on and on..love you Carlson Kyne Joseph..you're my one and only sayang..Happy Anniversary again..hugs muaks muaks muaks...=)
Love,
-Sharm-
-23/11/08-"

PS : The message from the card that I never had the chance to give you...I love you sayang and wherever you are I m sure you know how I feel..missing you so much...
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It was our anniversary night and Aunty LiNee called asking where I am...since I was home she came over to pass me some stuff..it was a big box from him and apparently she said he wanted me to have it today if he doesnt live through..i took the box and went straight to my room..I was staring at the box for almost an hour before I decided its so stupid to just look at it and do nothing..inside the box the was a few items and the thing about it is i never knew my sayang as such a sentimental person..he kept things like movie tickets and mind u every single movie we watched together to receipts and even the tissue paper I wrote my address on likke 3 years back..gosh..the most important of all is this little cookie jar looking bottle and on top of it there was a lil note attached..the note says
"hey babe I know I am the biggest jerk for leaving you stranded and lost right now..am sorry hun, if I could I'd choose to stay...well baby I may not be there with you to help you move on in person but I sure hope my thoughts will accompany and help you to get over me(I dun understand how you even put up with me for so long) and be happy. Inside this bottle there are 365 little notes. Read one a day and trust me by the time you finish it, it'll be a year and I am sure its not so hard anymore to know that I wont be back anymore..sounds familiar? Well yea I got the idea from the book..no holidays and all but I think I deserve an A for effort..I love you sweetheart..dont cry anymore..please..SMILE..for me at least..I love you..if ever sayang I have the chance..somehow, i'll make it up to you.."

Its the best gift ever and its all I needed right now..at least I know I have something to look forward to everyday...I miss you baby and yes you are a jerk..my jerk..I miss you like hell...
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28/11/08- Happy Birthday to me...and it was a happy one indeed..Roger was online last night and he asked me at 1.30am if I'd wanna go out for ice-cream and mamak..hahahaha WTF it was raining cats and dogs outside but what the heck its my birthday...!!!! 21st ok???!!! hahahha so we went mamaking and by the time I ggot back it was like 4.30 in the morning..what we did in the mamak only god knows la..hahahaha well when I woke up I had this BIG ass box, when I say BIG I meant REALLY BIG BIG BIG box on my dining table with my name written on the card attached to it..inside the box was this BIG BIG BIG ass teddy..hahah wat am I? 6? lol i thought me bros got it for me...hahaha but then I thought to myself there is no way my lil bros are gonna spend like 700 bucks on a teddy bear for me..I'd be lucky if they even got me a card..hahahaha and then there were gosh like 30 bars of chocolates, a beautiful bracelet, a very nice picture of us in an equally beautiful frame and oh yes I forgot to mention there were flowers as well..ahh so romantic only thing missing was a man..lol so I opened my card and it went
"hey baby,
happy 21st..hope you'll have fun today as its your special day and if I could i'd love to spend it with you..so all you have to do now is let your hair down and go party la baby..its friday night..go have fun..hahaha but remember, I'll be WATCHING...!!! happy birthday..I love you..btw the bear is a bit childish but well its almost as big as me so hug it hard when you miss me..for all you may know it might hug you back someday..LOVE YOU SHARM...enjoy yourself..
Always here loving you,
Kyne"

and then there was another card in the box..as took the letter I felt a buldge in it..so I opened it and I found a ring as well..another happy birthday card..the card went
"darling,
Happy 26th birthday..its been long right well am sure you're all grown up and happy I hope..I love you babe..I know if I was there you'd probably be in my arms as I love you so much even so much more that could be put into words..remember when we were 6 months or so into our relationship? And you asked if I'd still love oyu like when you are 80 and I said I'll marry you again if I could..hahaha and you said you want to get married when you turn 27. You also said even if I was dead then you'll march up to my grave or my urn whichever way I am kept and made sure I proposed..remember? Well honey, there's the ring so..hahahaha I'm sorry its not romantic at all but babe dont be so fussy and just settle with this ok? Hahahahah would you marry me baby? You're 26 today..get engaged today and a year from now you can plan your wedding...hahhaha well I do hope is a yes...!!! I love you baby..hope I put a smile on your face..I'll always be your no matter what..know that I left this world loving you and only you my love..take care baby..I miss you..well I am sure of that..Happy 26th..
Your Fiance',(i hope)
Kyne"

and I put on the ring and never took it off till today..I love you too baby...Its the best birthday ever..Aunty LiNee later that day called and told me that Alder(his bro) left the gifts at my place and the card with the ring was suppose to be for me when I turn 26 but she said it'll be very unfair if she waited till then to give it to me because I may be seeing someone else at that time..well I dun know bout that but am really glad she gave it to me now instead of waiting..